3 Reasons to Stop Labeling Kids

In our everyday lives, we place labels on many things, such as food, clothing, and even sometimes our children. Labels are specific adjectives that you may use to describe your child’s character or a certain behavior. Anytime you're boxing your child into one set of traits such as “creative”, “bossy”, or “shy” you are labeling them. If these kinds of sentences are familiar to you, don't worry or feel guilty. Labeling is one of the most natural and common things in the world.

There are several consequences of labeling on children, these consequences may affect their life more than we think. That’s why it is important to learn more about labeling, and how to stop it. 

Here are the 3 main consequences of labeling on kids: 

1. It affects how they define themselves
2. It defines how other people will treat to them 
3. It limits their potential 

How labeling affects children? 

As a parent, you may often hear or use phrases like "My daughter is very shy, that's why she doesn't talk.", "My son is very lazy, his grades are very bad." without even realizing it. Using such labels causes little ones to accept the label and behave accordingly. 

For example, your child whom you refer to as "shy” learns and accepts that they are shy. Instead of socializing and trying to communicate, they may continue to be shy by accepting this label. "My family says I am shy, so I am shy. That's why I don't talk much or make friends." In a situation where you observed your children behaving shyly, you may instead try to talk to them and define the factor that may cause them to feel shy at that moment. Also, you can prioritize activities that will improve your child's social skills. Maybe being involved in group activities will help your child to improve their social skills, and prevent them from accepting themselves as shy and staying within the boundaries of this label. 

Even positive labels such as "smart" and "hardworking" can be limiting for your children. Consider the child who is labeled as the “responsible” one. That child may now be too limited to take risks or act impulsively because of losing their positive label. Although it is important to give positive feedback to children, giving credit to the situation is also valuable. For example, if someone is talking about their child by saying "He is very hardworking, he always gets high grades.", it is highly possible for that child to feel stressed about any failure or low grades. Labeling him as "successful" may make him think that failure is not normal for him and that his parents may not love him if he fails. Instead of labeling children as successful, it is more useful to explain to them that when they work hard, they can be rewarded with success, but failures also happen from time to time either because of less work or environmental situations such as being sick. 

After a certain period of behaving within the boundaries of a label, it ceases to be a label and becomes part of the child’s personality. This situation not only affects the child but also affects what is expected from them and how they are treated, which in turn, influences who they become in the future. 

What to do as a parent? 

First of all, if you realize that you have labeled your children and feel guilty about it, don't worry. It is not too late to get rid of labels. Talking in a certain way, using a few labels once in a while, is not so harmful to your child. However, using certain labels over and over again, especially when introducing the child, can harm and limit them. 

Instead of a label, use descriptive praise. Descriptive praise is when you point out the positive action or trait of your child. Using these kinds of statements helps your child to focus on what they've done well, instead of focusing on what are their personality traits. For example, instead of labeling your child as “lazy”, praise even their tiny accomplishments “You got half of your room straightened up. All those clothes are back in the drawers or hanging in the closet. Good job, you’ve done so well!”. By using positive statements and encouragement you can support your child to change their behavior while protecting their self-image. 

As a parent, it is very important not to confine children within the boundaries of any label, positive or negative. Every child is special and unique. It is normal and acceptable for them to be different from each other and to react differently to situations. Perhaps certain words were spoken for their sake causing them to be labeled and limited. Instead of labeling, it would be much more beneficial to talk, listen, understand, and support them. 

Finally, it is important to keep in mind that most of the time children imitate and learn from their parents. If you’re using labels on yourself and limiting your potential, it would be helpful both for you and your children to stop labeling yourself. The parenting journey is not an easy process, but as we said it is a journey. There might be some ups and downs, you can’t be a “perfect caregiver” all the time. Don’t put the pressure of the “perfect parent” label on you. Even just reading these sentences shows that you are a super parent trying to figure out more.