How to Manage Sibling Jealousy?

Jealousy is a natural but complex emotion to deal with. Especially for young children, dealing with such feelings can be challenging. Bringing a new addition into the family is arguably one of the most complex shifts in the older child’s life, the one who up to this point has only known the privileges of the only child such as undivided attention, having alone time, unshared parents, and environment. So, this is quite normal and occurs when a new sibling comes home, and it is impossible and unrealistic to eliminate this feeling. 

Why are children jealous of their siblings? 

The first child, who was the focus of all the attention and the love of their parents, begins to feel that their life has changed with the birth of a sibling, and they must share everything they have. The older child tries to understand the change and having a sibling, but it is not possible for them to understand this transition rationally like adults. Therefore, anxiety increases and they perceive siblings as a source of their increased stress. It is possible to observe unnatural behaviors of the older child such as wetting diapers, and similar babyish acts. 

Children can become restless at even the slightest change or difference in their life, thus it is very difficult for them to accept such a big change and manage it effectively.  Suddenly they must start sharing their mom, dad, relatives, room, toys, and many other belongings. For children who have not established a healthy bond with their parents, the arrival of a sibling can be even more difficult. Children may feel excluded, they may feel that their parents no longer love them, and all this triggers their anxiety. Since the cognitive skills of young children are not yet fully developed, this anxiety is expressed as jealousy. Jealousy is a common emotion, and it is natural for children to experience it. Parents and caregivers can take control of the situation by paying attention to a few points. 

How to manage jealousy? 

1. Before the new baby is born, explain to your little one the concept of having a sibling and what may change for them. Young children may have difficulty understanding abstract concepts, you can use books to explain the concept of siblings. By reading and talking about various books on the theme of siblings, you can prepare your little one. Being prepared will prevent them from becoming overly anxious when faced with a real situation. 

2. Do not get angry when your child is jealous of their sibling, this will only increase your child's anxiety. It is best to accept that jealousy is quite normal and not get angry with your child. Instead, it will be more beneficial for your child to make statements such as "I am a little more interested in him now because he cannot eat on his own, but when he grows up a little, he will be like you." and give them a credit. 

3. Do not neglect your children. Newborn babies need care, but this should not be a reason to neglect your older children. It can be helpful to share the family responsibilities with your partner. For example, while you’re taking care of the newborn baby, your partner may spend one-on-one time with the older child, or vice versa. In this way, the older child will feel that you are still making time for them, and they’ll feel safer. 

4. Try to avoid comparing your children. There may be disagreements between siblings, avoid making sentences such as "You are the older sister, don't act like that". These sentences will make the situation even worse. Older children may think that you are taking the younger sibling's side, and this will cause your child to become more anxious and jealous of their sibling. 

5. Try to maintain your child’s routine. Having a new person in the house is a big change and children are very sensitive to even small changes. During this time, changing anything else such as school, or room can be quite challenging for your little one. Therefore, it is very important to be careful not to disrupt your child's routine and prevent any major changes other than the arrival of a newborn baby.

Having a sibling has numerous benefits for children. However, young children may not understand these positive effects of having a sibling, when they first meet the newborn. They may show jealousy because they do not want to share you with another child. Remember that this is a normal process. As they grow older, the bond between siblings will get stronger. Try not to get angry or be judgmental during this period, instead try to understand your child’s experience. If there is a dangerous increase in the level of jealousy or if the situation becomes too difficult for you, do not hesitate to consult a specialist.